I recently opened
‘s Substack on “The Optimization Sinkhole” and saw my life flash before my eyes.“Remodeling is the attempt to find “the one best way” with our physical spaces; wellness culture is “the one best way” with our bodies; productivity culture is “the one best way” with our work lives. And like all quests for optimization, they’re sinkholes. You think you’re standing on solid ground, just scrolling your phone dreaming about a steam oven and downloading a new list-making app and listening to someone on TikTok emphatically tell you you’re doing [blank] wrong, but then you look up and realize you’re not just trying to make a few things better, or easier, or more straightforward — you’re dissatisfied with your whole damn life, and have been for some time.” - Anne Helen Petersen
Why did she have to come for me like that? Petersen’s piece had me examining the old chestnuts of “Did I actually love dancing, or did I just get off on being told I was “good” by authority figures?” and “Were all the diets of my youth actually about getting thinner, or was it about finding a modicum of control and autonomy in a chaotic world?”. At the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw, I couldn’t help but wonder, ”Did my interest in wellness intensify simply as an offshoot of the disordered eating habits I learned as a dancer, or because the itch to optimize, to finally become the best possible version of one’s self is ultimately never fully scratch-able?”.
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